Valentines

Hoping to be brought back on your alien ship Waiting for the techno music to play again Bring you back on the dance floor Taking hits of the coked up rumors The last line between us Flying in my spaceship I keep hoping you’ll show up to abduct me again Painting me green because I’m your alien superstar but I feel like I can breathe again without your UFO shining down on everything wrong with me

Dear sweet baby angel Everyone adores your little act They all kiss you on the cheek like a little child Talking down to me like I’m a broken little doll you can’t fix treated me like gum on the bottom of your shoe when I didn’t want you back Tore me down because you didn’t love your reflection in the mirror Mirror mirror on the wall And you’ve been the evil queen the entire time Still hoping these poems are about you

Never amylased I love you’s Just kisses laced with I hate you’s My friends watching the paint of my healing dry Getting high off the fumes because it’s the only part of you I have left Giving yourself tachycardia every time you think of me Morphed me into your nemesis Because I’ll always just be the girl who killed off your bloodline

Telling me I need a boyfriend Sorry the last one tried to choke me and told mehe had a power over my pathetic self!

It rains in my head Waiting for the green light of accountability I’m a horrible friend when I’m thinking of you Consumed with all the ways he fucked me up Not seeing the hands lifting me up Not hungry Waiting for you to show up in your rain boots again

Say I do it to myself Sorry I’ve had men trying to grab my ass since I was nineteen Late bloomer cultural shock with the do you want to come over and you up’s? Walking the plank while they choke and spank me You think I want them picturing my D’s in their mouth instead of the A’s I get on my report card? Putting sexualize on my nutrition label when I’ve only had three bodies I don’t want to spit in your mouth when I have papers to write

Jiu-jitsu as a kid Is that why it was okay to karate chop me? Like I’m fresh off the chopping block Felt good for your cock? Crossing you off with chalk Just to ride your stalk You’ve made me a doctor of words When all I wanted was for you to leave me alone Made me gay for a year Dyed my hair so dark you wouldn’t recognize me Changing the trajectory of my life to avoid you

I hate that I laugh like you sometimes groomed to be a sexually charged proton and laugh like the devil

peter pan syndrome walking plan b ad still preying for the young luring me away with the bars and the booze one day I'll snap like a twig choking on unsolicited advice from strangers telling me I need a new boyfriend sorry I can't the last one killed me in neverland

I miss you like a little kid waiting at the bedroom door Sucking on my thumb because it’s better than calling you Took the intubation tube out of my mouth Just to leave me on the stretcher on the way out But you’re gone and I’m all alone on the surgical table They have their pitchforks and scalpels ready to go

You’re like a stand up comedian in a dive bar no one is listening to It’s been years and you’re still doing the same routine for a crowd that’s bored On and on about this crazy girl you knew Crowd working until someone goes home with you

Do you verbally abuse the button eyed versions of me too? Sewed them in yourself Turning women into lifeless dolls Weaving a wap to ensnare your victims Sometimes i choose to drown in the noise of it Headphones on Your voice repeating I’m weak and gross

You’re just a calcified stone I got rid of Ejected with minimal bruising and extensive damage!

rush of iodine through my veins like the comfort of realizing you won’t change for her But I always vomit after a CT with contrast

sticky sap swallowing it down sorry did I make you uncomfortable? a rebelling man who says no but also yes physical manifestation of the rebellion host becomes a site of repercussions parasitic politics everyone's an invisible man hiding behind the reposts and pins but you'll shoot the rebel who comes in to town alert the troops of the transgressions you're pro life until it comes to the domestic violet in his eyes little miss vigilante needs to pick her battles Better to di

Men will abuse, slap a bandaid on it, then tell you to get on your knees Bought my plane ticket but I’m not coming Mocked me for having hair follicles Triangulated me for having a spoonful of sugar Victim since I left you like your daddy did That acid rain destroying the polaroids of my replacements asked you to stop grabbing me cried gay like that excused pushing me in the deep end of the pool

Keep tariffing my truths across the seas Saying I’m good in the sheets when I’m just broken glass Reflecting our dalliance

Monday drinking my water Tuesday passing my stone Stringing your reposts with red strings across my wall Monday I’m an angel Tuesday I’m a bitch who runs her mouth As they double the colony of the same bacterial truth Watching them protect their sweet baby angel he can be rather unkind when he doesn’t get his way arguing with me like he’s my boyfriend As I hang from the lips of a boy with pretty eyes

submerged in the supercut of us showed back up to say hello like we aren't romeo and juliet cuts of you making me laugh when no one else could I thought I was free from making love with our oculi but you came back like backwash in my cup of coffee

song plays on the tape and I want to tie a noose running away blowing smoke shoes untied like how they were when we first met before we were forbidden notes on the page maybe why I never kissed you goodbye