The Lab Report on How to Get Him Back

Objectives

• Synthesize acetaminophen

  • For pain relief from your touch

• Get him back

  • For pain relief from your lack of touch

Introduction

Materials

• DI water

  • To dilute myself down into something for you that’s simple and easy to digest

• Push up bra

• 4-aminophenol

• Blow job red lipstick

• Acetic anhydride

• Black eyeliner

• Vacuum filtration apparatus

  • To vacuum out your friend’s warnings

• Prolactin

  • Released after orgasm

    • Past evidence of this missing!

Procedure

1. Mention to his friend that you’re seeing someone new

2. Build vacuum filtration apparatus with him

   1. Accidentally graze his hand

      1. Make his hand cry out for yours

3. Use stirring rod to mix your solution of manipulation well

4. Increase heat with a push up bra and lipstick

5. Take off hot plate to keep yourself mysterious

6. Kiss him with 4-aminophenol on your lips

   1. With the phenol group of the aftertaste of your weed

   2. With the compounded cycle of our love affair

   3. With the double bond of your laced shoes

      1. Your shoes on before I even finish

7. Kiss his friend with acetic anhydride on your lips

   1. With the two double bonds of your eyes trapped on us

      1. Cleaving every time, you said it was just sex

Date to Report

• Percent yield

  • (Actual/theoretical) x 100

    • (Do you hate him?/Do you love him) x 100

      • Data inconclusive

• Melting point ranges

  • Determine the boiling point of your touch

    • Depends on his moods

      • Hot

        • 100 C

        • The melting point of your melted glances

        • The freezing point of his frozen glances

      • Cold

        • 0 C

        • The freezing point of his frozen glances

      • Hot

        • Accidental hand grazes and unspoken glances

      • Cold

        • Purposeful lies and bread crumbing

• IR spectrum

  • O-H peaks every time he gazes into your eyes

    • You replay it too many times

  • C=C peaks every time he ignores your messages

    • You replay it too many times

  • C=N peaks every time he calls her instead

    • You replay it too many times

Waste Disposal

• Solids

  • The loss of your parasitic connection with him in your head

• Aqueous filtrate

  • The loss of the salt filled water that falls down your face

• All solvents

  • The loss of all the lab reports you made of every interaction you ever had

• Capillary tubes

  • The loss of 80 million bacteria that we normally share between our lips

Conclusion

• You don’t really want him back

• Throw away the lab report because the data was never really conclusive