Valentines

prescription ordered- doctor prescribes ichthammol for stress hives. sulfur-rich, dark, foul-smelling. putting it all over my wounds antibacterial- staph aureus from picking at the hives you left me with antifungal- get your spores out of my peaceful air anti-inflammatory- inhibiting the leukotrienes of your touch

you name drop me so much I should be getting residuals I'll accept card or cash writing checks to my friends to pay them off write off the hospital bills I'm choking on give HIPPA a run for their money and discuss the why, where, how of my visits game of telephone I'm not picking up for an ogre on the other line digging your own grave setting the AC to 69 thinking of me ever so fondly

writing a hit list red ink running out masters in oneirology trying to figure out why you're still chasing me up and down the stairs waiting for the cameo scale from one to ten how bad is it? not quite mountain dew bad? oat milk causing inflammation bad? drunk cigarette love making bad? ask me again in February

reading the scriptures of my destruction First in line for the book signing with your goons Do they know you ride my name so hard you get headaches? Writing newspaper articles "Body tea but she’s kind of insane" Doing interviews Cameras in your swollen face from all the vodka drowning out the thought of my lips

Sometimes I wake up so blue I can’t breathe Stress hives up my neck Don’t pick them or they won’t love me anymore So debilitated by my mind I don’t get up sometimes Not when I’m playing whack a mole with the miscreants of my past I’m a psychological threesomed torture with the two of you

I used to be rather kind with the tapestries I made Until the nightmare blunt rotation of lacerations made me into something else I’m arachne A creation of all the pride and weaving Trying not to hang myself from all the myths

nulla poena sine lege no penalty without law Consensual bruises? no crime? no abuse? no victims? I was ambivalent to your face when we first met chased me down rabbit holes until I ate a mushroom Punishing me for killing something I didn’t even want

I almost let you follow me back to my car because you let me leave without an au revoir but french kissing will suffice I made fun of your business casual leucine-enkephalin down my face on the way home acts as a natural opioid crucial for analgesia maybe that's why I feel good when I'm away from you

stuck in a loop where the record skips when you breathe my name you remember I exist every January do they pull your hair like I did? do they life up your fragile little ego they broke? you taught me all the party tricks I use on men taller than you do you whisper in another language to them? all the ways you're going to solve them like a jigsaw puzzle

leaving like my alcoholic mother couldn't take the heat when my dad went under the knife my presence made you so upset you left the party father called me cold because I haven't let anyone touch me since you hoping the doctor pumps enough fluids to make me feel better or I could call you and flatline dreams full of you chasing me up and down the stairs not sleeping again....

My friends don’t know what my favorite color is some would say red cause that's all I see through sometimes some would say blue because I live in a constant state of melancholy some would say purple because I changed my hair so that you wouldn't recognize me because they're too busy looking at me like a patient they need to tie back up from you They don’t really want me around I’m just a girl in a box they watch paint portraits they tear apart

cut off my oxygen supply by making my friends stop writing me took my trauma an packed it into little bullets shooting me in the head when you're bored and lonely dragging my hand across the hot stove my friends getting mad I'm still burnt third degree burns so bad they're criminalizing me

half of the time I'm a puzzle piece too jagged to fit back they didn't want to be around a bomb wrapped in plastic wrap so now I stare out car windows for Romeo took all my friends away cut off my oxygen supply so now I pretend to like nitrogenated losers who go out on tuesdays

should I start a stopwatch? see how long you'll let me be free shouldn't have followed you down that rabbit holed parking lot took me to wonderland just to beg for me to die off the next

Ashes to ashes Dust to girls who look just like me I kept praying for you to save me when my dad got sick but you never came All I hear are whispers of volatile wonder But I’ll forever be the villainess who trapped you in my net Yet you were the one who forgot the shields Broke so many times I’m not sure you weren’t the culprit? Sneaky little swine They won’t ever love you like I did You manipulate and lie stepping over the rocks of the river you control Sometimes it’s warm w

I was rather nice the first round Didn’t spit bloody murder on the mat Maybe I’ll get lock jaw and bite down Burn you with the cigarette I smoked with your friend Should I invoice you for all the blood I lost? A dime an ounce You broke my uterus Painted her pretty then lifeless Where’d you think I got that kidney stone from? Got off so easy I gained the weight lost the weight for you What did you lose exactly? You should be scared like a celebrity on twitter For you’re an X a

I don’t let people touch me anymore For you made my body a prison A palette for your abuse Painting me all weak and pretty Shades of purples and blues on my arms Red around my eyes when you punish me A rainbow of the pride you hide behind The easel withering away from the lies you draw onto it For I’m a canvas for your insecurities An entanglement of drawings A palette for your torture

it was a paradise full of forbidden bruises and chains around our necks but that snake bite felt good at first until I was expelled for your disobedience neither a monster nor a victim funny how you're running to that garden again same name, same abusive little boy hoping I bite back

nails on the chalkboard to my nervous system texas chainsaw to my innocence film reel in my head a cacophony of QRS beeps and quiet whispers of limerance I'm not sure which time was worse? defiling through a bodily rapine? or trying to ruin my life when my dad was sick? oh wait you're still playing that record maybe I should get a PHD in psychology to understand your behavior skinner your ass when will you stop punishing me for almost dying because of your sins? when will yo

comical how my father almost kicked the bucket but you still won best performance for the year the academy cried during your performance cheered when you called me a crazy bitch standing ovation when you called yourself a victim an excellence of cinematic achievements for an abuser cause that's what they do, lift an abuser up for the love of the game