The Mechanic’s Notes on Our Love Affair

CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS

Customer was informed to change out her transmission fluid every 30,000 miles. Customer told us she forgot because he normally comes back every 30,000 miles or so. So, this time her transmission seized up.

ORDER NOTES FROM MECHANIC

COURTESY CHECK- She’s “over” him (have the customer check back with us in a month in regard to that)

COMPLETE VEHICLE INSPECTION- Checked for bruises on wrists from him “accidentally” grabbing you too hard

CHECK ENGINE LIGHT- Comes on every time you want to call him

MASS AIR FLOW SENSOR FAULTY- Text from your sister asking you where you went after work

TRANSMISSION FLUSH- Too late to perform as he already damaged your vehicle

OIL CHANGE- Two missed appointments because you cancelled your plans hoping he’d call you to hang out

SUGGESTED MAINTENANCE

REPLACE BACK SEAT CUSHIONS- Damage due to you letting him put his hand between your thighs again

REPLACE BRAKES- Excessive usage from slamming on brakes during arguments

REPLACE REAR TIRES- Impairment from debris and potholes on the way to his house. Which should have stopped you from going.

REPLACE PASSENGER SEAT- Damage due to the grinding of gears between the two of you

TOTAL COST

You need a new car